All-Consuming TTC is Too All-Consuming

Idk if it’s a matter of putting the cart before the horse, but I’ve been stressed lately from what feels like a life all-consumed with TTC and I wonder if this here little blog is contributing to it. Between the OPKs, BBT temping, documenting of every symptom into my Period Calendar, therapist visits, REI doctor visits, learning of two people’s pregnancies in a matter of four days, reading other peoples blogs, and writing my own blog, I feel like all I ever think about lately is this infertility “problem”—to the exclusion of everything else. I’ve slept terribly for the past three nights, and I’m usually a pretty sound sleeper. Lately my sleep is very light and accompanied by strange, ominous dreams, followed by waking up completely exhausted. The stress of waiting for my lab results from Dr. B and anticipating the imminent arrival of AF only add to my craziness of late.

I know I must make some decisions here. We simply cannot go on and on and on TTC with no help other than the BBTs and OPKs. Despite Dr. B’s suggestion, IVF is a huge, HUGE, gargantuan, step that I’m not prepared to enter into just yet. Maybe I need to test the waters some first before I’m ready to make that leap. Like Clomid. Or IUI. Or the like. And, absolutely NO MORE SURGERIES! I have four under my belt to date, and the idea of a fifth surgery to remove scar tissues, which ultimately only results in MORE scar tissue, is out. of. the. question. Period. But, I have to seriously get down on my knees and seek God here, because decisions must be made and I absolutely want to make the right ones.

What my mind keeps coming back to is work. There’s only me and Coworker here working for Boss. That’s it. It’s a very small office. So knowing that I just missed 2.5 hours of work on Thursday for a doctor’s appointment, and that I’ll likely have to give boss notice of a matter of hours on Monday for a subsequent doctor’s visit, might cause some red flags. This is such a personal topic that I’m certain male Boss doesn’t want the deets on, but I will eventually have to tell him something when it seems like I always have to leave for doctor appointments, and I’m totally not comfortable going into my personal life with a man old enough to be my father.

God has a plan here. He’s not making things difficult for me just for fun and to see how I respond. He knew this was coming. Therefore, He has to have made a way of escape. After all, the only way out of something is to go through it. Yeah, I know there’s the whole “say unto this mountain be removed and cast into the sea” part of the Christian life, but that doesn’t exempt everyone from ever experiencing a challenge. There are circumstances applicable to that scripture, but not all problems neatly fall into the “mountain-sea-removed” category. Victory is also obtained—and experience and empathy gained—by having overcome obstacles. And I am not taking this infertility lying down. It will not beat me. It may be trying to consume me, but it will NEVER get me to simply lie down and take it.

Author: Marixsa

Resolving infertility as childless-not-by-choice and encouraging fellow endo warriors along the way.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

tuesdaynews

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

Childless by Marriage

In a society where most people have kids, some of us don't because our partners are unable or unwilling to make babies. That's what this blog and my book, Childless by Marriage, are about. Let's talk about what it's really like.

The joy in small things

Parenting and everything else after infertility

Thinking to Believe

An Oasis for Thoughtful Christians

Surprised By Marriage

Sharing the struggles an

The State Of Being Sober

Margot's Movement. A journey of sobriety and saying no to the Sauvignon. Once, and for all.

Discover WordPress

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

Christine Seifert

Lady professor by day. Reader by night. Sometimes I write books.

The Good, The Bad and the Stuff Inbetween

This is a first hand account of my journey through IVF and life beyond

Sparkly With Endo

A journey to find my sparkle while living with endometriosis

Anne Brock

A Spiritual Journey Through Creativity

Michelle Lesley

Discipleship for Christian Women

infertilityhonesty

Childless Not By Choice Infertility Survivorhood

TheParalegal

Innovating for the Future

Pee on the sticks

a real IVF story

Tricia Thirey

Choosing Joy in Every Moment

The End Time

Exalting the name of Jesus through Christian essays

Cramping my Style

A 20 something girl suffering Endometriosis, documenting the glamour of day to day life with an invisible illness...

The Paralegal Society™

a forum created to educate, motivate and inspire paralegals to engage in the pursuit of excellence for all paralegalkind.

Colouring In My Life

From diagnosis to acceptance, with Endometriosis in between

Jesus and Coffee

Faith, family, beauty...we’ve got it all going on here!

Coffee Made Better

Stopping bad coffee.

straightmissteps.wordpress.com/

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:6

InDevinsWords

Surviving with PCOS; my side of the story.

Waiting for the Bump

The Process of Starting a Family With the Help of Infertility

Rebecca’s World

Even miracles take a little time

cherrellemelton

Life as Mrs M 🌻💛

Ethical Grounds

The Unofficial Blog of Vermont's Bar Counsel

Journey of Restored Hope

Every person has a unique story to share and I would like to pass along my story in an effort to help others find hope in the darkest of places.

Tears in a Bottle

A safe haven for wounded hearts.

Insomnia Girl

and the Very Important Thoughts keeping her awake

Lallie Lee

Learning to Live Fearless

Boo Wholefoods

Eating the healthy way to keep endometriosis at bay.