2 Days Late

AF is two days late. I’m a ball of nerves. My stomach is in knots. I literally check for spotting a few times every hour. If even the slightest amount of light brown spotting shows, I immediately change my pantiliner so any new spotting can be accounted for. Waiting until tomorrow morning to POAS. Tomorrow I’ll unofficially-officially be “late” since some months I end up on a longer cycle. My two days late is based on my normal 27-day cycle that likes to screw with me every few months and show up as a 29-day cycle. Ya know. Just for fun.

Here’s the daily breakdown from this week, with symptoms on a scale of 1 (mild), 2 (bothersome), 3 (moderate), and 4 (heavy). It’s kinda TMI for anyone who wants to skip over it:

Sunday: 98.69º. Backache (2/4), cramps (1/4). Only 1 spot brownish/clear spotting.

Monday: 98.56º. Moodiness, irritability (2/4). AF due tomorrow. Intermittent light brown spotting with little-to-moderate amount discharged.

Tuesday: 98.66º. AF due today. Am always below 98º on AF’s first day, so temp still elevated. Very, very heavy cramps between 8 pm – midnight. Cramps (4/4), PMS and ovary pain (1/4).

Wednesday: 98.19º. AF 1 day late. Very occasional, intermittent light brown spotting with little discharged. Cramps (3/4), ovary pain (2/4).

Thursday: 98.29º. AF 2 days late. Cramps (2/4). One small spot light brown spotting with little discharged.

I can’t concentrate on ANY-thing! Boss has been yammering on and on today about Lord knows what, but I don’t hear a word he says because I’m in total la-la space cadet land. I’m SO EXCITED to POAS in the morning if AF still isn’t here! The anticipation is maddening! I go back and forth, back and forth, up and down between wanting to hope and keeping myself from hoping. I envision little fantasies of how to tell DH the news, picking out baby names, where to register, and what PG will feel like. Then I stop, reminding myself of how much more crushing the disappointment of a BFN / AF’s arrival will be if I allow myself to go too far. This is such a cruel game.

Holy canolis is this screwing with my head.

tinypotato

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Author: Marixsa

Navigating the infertility waters and encouraging other mamas-in-waiting along the way.

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