Takeoff

Aaaaand, we have meds! These lovelies arrived the other day. I couldn’t resist spreading the whole lot out to see what all we’re working with here.

meds

On Saturday evening, the day before I was to begin my EPP, I realized the pharmacy had sent me two bottles of Estrace–a 1mg bottle to be taken vaginally and a 2 mg bottle to begin taking orally! Maybe the clinic told me which one to begin taking initially or not, I truly don’t remember. This predicament turned into a first-thing-in-the-morning frantic phone call to the clinic on Sunday to ask what I should take. After three hours with no return phone call I called back again, only this time got the answering service. By this point, it’s noontime and I should’ve taken my estrogen in the morning so I’m getting kinda pissy. Finally they call me back to tell me to take the oral meds, which I do immediately after hanging up. I wasn’t a fan of the unnecessary last minute drama, but at least they called back and it’s over with. Whew.

AF is due on Saturday, but a combination of various symptoms and a drop in my temp makes me think she’ll be here Wednesday or Thursday instead. Which would be lovely actually, as a weekend AF equals a longer driving time to get to the clinic’s only location that’s open weekends for u/s and BW and is nowhere near my house.

Meantime I’m trying very hard not to think about the beginning of this first IVF cycle too much. Every time I walk past my box of stims I realize how real this all is. I moved the box to an out of the way place for the time being. It’s like I’m suddenly tempted to cancel the whole cycle. It all comes down to fear of the unknown, fear of it not working, fear of needles (which I already have to a frightening degree—yay!), and fear of how stupidly, throbbingly painful that box of terrors will make my ovary. This is like diving off a cliff, so I just plain won’t.think.about.it. We’ve put so much thought and time and energy and emotion and money into IF and IF treatment already that I’m just taking a step back at this last minute and trying to just do what I gotta do and get it over with.

One of my fave expressions: “This too shall pass.” Amen.

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Author: Marixsa

Navigating the infertility waters and encouraging other mamas-in-waiting along the way.

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