Holiday Reprieve


Hi guys! I’m writing to you today from sunny warm southern Delaware. …Yeah, Delaware. Cause, seriously, who goes to the beach… in Delaware… in November… for Thanksgiving?

Answer: No one.

Which is precisely why DH and I picked this, the most random last minute getaway we could think of, and checked in to a bed and breakfast right on the beach. It’s good to be away, albeit it was kinda weird to spend Thanksgiving with just DH and a few scattered strangers. We don’t even our dog with us.

As thankful as I am for the many blessings God has put in my life, I still couldn’t summon the emotional energy to do the whole family thang this year. My brother and his very, very nine-month-pregnant wife hosted Thanksgiving. Had everything gone to plan, DH and I would have been twelve weeks along and able to (relatively) safely announce our own pregnancy this holiday. One of the very first things we planned back in September when we got our BFP was when we would tell my family. Our plan was to do it on Thanksgiving.

For seven months my family has been (understandably) excited for Brother and SIL’s newest addition to the family, as this would be the first boy born among his four children. It was difficult for DH and I to muster the same excitement about Baby X, as their pregnancy fell squarely during the bulk of our fertility treatments. We of course love our new nephew-to-be, but we’d wanted desperately to share our own news with my family, to be treated with the same eager excitement as my brother and SIL received, but we just weren’t ready to open ourselves up to telling everyone the truth. Instead we kept quiet about Everything. But now especially, when SIL’s bump is so big it practically topples her over and the birth is only weeks away, I just straight up couldnt handle putting on a happy face and joining in. The best thing DH and I can do for our own sakes and that of my family’s is to keep to ourselves.

The holidays were tough for us the past few years: three years ago due to a personal situation with DH, and the last two years from feeling the weight of childlessness and endless TTC-ing bearing down on us. The years before these I don’t remember even noticing our childlessness or seeing it as something that separated us from others. But now we feel the void fully.

The escape from regular life is healing. When I sit quietly on the beach and watch the waves tumble in, my problems seem inconsequential, manageable, small in a world so vast. I’m healing slowly, and because my baby steps to recovery are so minute, many days it feels like I’m going backward instead and will never recover, physically or emotionally. Life has a tendency to move on regardless of whether I resist, so our sneaking away was a way to let that healing begin. I don’t like processes, I like end results, but I know that sometimes the only way to get through is to go through.

Meantime, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend, or just a regular weekend for those reading outside of the U.S. I leave you with a handful of pics from our getaway.





Author: Marixsa

Resolving infertility as childless-not-by-choice and encouraging fellow endo warriors along the way.

4 thoughts on “Holiday Reprieve”

  1. I’m so glad you guys got away! Hanging with a hugely pregnant woman does not sound in anyway good right now. The photos are lovely, and it was such a great weekend weather-wise to hit the beach! Warmest Thanksgiving I can remember. Sending you peace as you journey through the healing process. You’re doing great!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s such a perfect description. It is a void that separates us. It’s so terrible. I’m glad you did what you had to do to feel okay. Lots of love, Hun.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

Childless by Marriage

In a society where most people have kids, some of us don't because our partners are unable or unwilling to make babies. That's what this blog and my book, Childless by Marriage, are about. Let's talk about what it's really like.

The joy in small things

Parenting and everything else after infertility

Thinking to Believe

An Oasis for Thoughtful Christians

Surprised By Marriage

Sharing the struggles an

The State Of Being Sober

Margot's Movement. A journey of sobriety and saying no to the Sauvignon. Once, and for all.

Discover WordPress

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

Christine Seifert

Lady professor by day. Reader by night. Sometimes I write books.

The Good, The Bad and the Stuff Inbetween

This is a first hand account of my journey through IVF and life beyond

Sparkly With Endo

A journey to find my sparkle while living with endometriosis

Anne Brock

A Spiritual Journey Through Creativity

Michelle Lesley

Discipleship for Christian Women


Childless Not By Choice Infertility Survivorhood


Innovating for the Future

Pee on the sticks

a real IVF story

Tricia Thirey

Choosing Joy in Every Moment

Exalting the name of Jesus through Christian essays

Cramping my Style

A 20 something girl suffering Endometriosis, documenting the glamour of day to day life with an invisible illness...

The Paralegal Society™

a forum created to educate, motivate and inspire paralegals to engage in the pursuit of excellence for all paralegalkind.

Colouring In My Life

From diagnosis to acceptance, with Endometriosis in between

Jesus and Coffee

Faith, family, beauty...we’ve got it all going on here!

Coffee Made Better

Stopping bad coffee.

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:6


Surviving with PCOS; my side of the story.

Waiting for the Bump

The Process of Starting a Family With the Help of Infertility

Rebecca’s World

Even miracles take a little time


Life as Mrs M 🌻💛

Ethical Grounds

The Unofficial Blog of Vermont's Bar Counsel

Journey of Restored Hope

Every person has a unique story to share and I would like to pass along my story in an effort to help others find hope in the darkest of places.

Tears in a Bottle

A safe haven for wounded hearts.

Insomnia Girl

and the Very Important Thoughts keeping her awake

Lallie Lee

Learning to Live Fearless

Boo Wholefoods

Eating the healthy way to keep endometriosis at bay.