“You’re So Lucky”

On Saturday morning I drove out to the ‘burbs for a hair appointment at a salon I love, but with a different stylist than my usual girl. I got settled into the chair and we discussed the reason for my appointment. The very first comment the stylist made to me after hair convo was, “So, do you have any kids?”

Gulp.

I paused. Long enough that a fellow infertile might have caught the drift, but not so long as to be awkward. I truly didn’t know how to respond. It was like I momentarily froze. After gauging the overall situation, the setting, and the questioner, I replied “No.”

“Oh, wow. You’re so lucky! I have two and I’m a single mom and they drive me completely crazy.”


Half an hour later I sat down in the shampoo chair. A super friendly gal came over to wash my hair:

Shampoo Girl: “So! Are you married?”

Me: “Yep, I am.”

Shampoo Girl: “Do you have any kids?!”

Me: “Errm. No.”

Shampoo Girl: “Oh. Well, you can always start trying! Have you been married long?”

Me (not wanting to admit I’ve been married for 12+ years): “Just a little while….”


This is the very reason I’ve avoided going anywhere lately or meeting new people. It’s beyond difficult when someone asks the seemingly benign conversational question of whether I have kids, and this deep down part of me awakens and screams, “YES! I do have children!” Because I can’t say that.  We all know why. The follow up conversation would be extremely weird.

So I got to wondering: Am I really “so lucky?”

I can sleep in on weekends and go out whenever I want, for as long I want. I can spend my money on needlessly selfish things and take long vacations with my husband. I can decorate my house with fragile décor and leave sharp knives on the kitchen counter every single day of the week. If life is measured by these freedoms, then—in that case—I guess that I am “lucky.”

But you know what? I’ve had a lifetime of these freedoms. I’ve had fifteen years of undivided time to spend with my husband. I’ve had enough “me” to last forever; I’m pretty well over me, myself, and I by this point. I’d give all my money (and it seems that I am, too…) to be awoken in the middle of the night to feed a crying newborn, to scrimp and save my money and spend Saturday nights clipping coupons, to forego vacation plans, to baby-proof my house, to confidently answer “yes” when someone asks whether I have kids. I’d trade it all in a heartbeat to finally have a child of our own. So if anyone is “lucky” here, then it’s my scissor-wielding friend over at the hair salon who apparently doesn’t realize how blessed she really is.

When we decide that the grass is greener on the other side, we often forget the truth that all grass still must be mowed. This encounter brought that to my mind so strongly. Because maybe I’m very much guilty of the same thing, but in reverse. I realized that I have a tendency to think short-term, in that once I finally have a baby I’ll be chillin in those greener pastures without having to do anything further. But that’s not true, because as the saying also goes, the grass is greener where you water it. And for that much, I’m thankful that God can take something that would normally sting (the kids question) and turn it into an opportunity for a small lesson in humility and growth. Sometimes it’s the things we least expect….

grassgreener

 

Author: Marixsa

Resolving infertility as childless-not-by-choice and encouraging fellow endo warriors along the way.

4 thoughts on ““You’re So Lucky””

  1. *hugs* so sorry you had to endure such hurtful questions / comments but glad you have such a good perspective too. x

    Like

  2. Ugh. Those are the worst questions ever. I’ve gotten to the point where I am petty enough to make ppl feel guilty for even asking me. #sorrynotsorry

    Like

  3. I am so sorry that something that should have been a nice relaxing time for you turned into emotional turmoil and pure rudeness. I agree with mn6363, I am over just smiling when people make horrible comments like that.

    I’ll take your kids scissor-wielder! I would appreciate them!

    But in the situation you were in, an upset person cutting your hair was probably best avoided like you did.

    I hope you were still able to have a nice time and that your hair looks wonderful.

    Like

  4. We went through our first IVF in May. We started with 6 embies that fertilised. From that point I started believing that we in some part (no matter how small) we were parents. My mother even insisted on having me cut the cake with her on Mother’s Day. I would see nothing wrong with you saying you have (in my case) 1 frosty babe 🙂
    I get that people are trying to be polite and make conversation when they ask these questions, but sometimes when I am having a own day it really pushes my buttons. I have an aunt that used to ask every time she saw us when we were having babies. One day I was just over it and said we weren’t, she asked why not and I told her we can’t and ran out of the room. No one who has not struggled with fertility understands what a loaded question that is.

    Like

Leave a Reply to sbach1222 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

tuesdaynews

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

Childless by Marriage

In a society where most people have kids, some of us don't because our partners are unable or unwilling to make babies. That's what this blog and my book, Childless by Marriage, are about. Let's talk about what it's really like.

The joy in small things

Parenting and everything else after infertility

Thinking to Believe

An Oasis for Thoughtful Christians

Surprised By Marriage

Sharing the struggles an

The State Of Being Sober

Margot's Movement. A journey of sobriety and saying no to the Sauvignon. Once, and for all.

Discover WordPress

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

Christine Seifert

Lady professor by day. Reader by night. Sometimes I write books.

The Good, The Bad and the Stuff Inbetween

This is a first hand account of my journey through IVF and life beyond

Sparkly With Endo

A journey to find my sparkle while living with endometriosis

Michelle Lesley

Discipleship for Christian Women

infertilityhonesty

Childless Not By Choice Infertility Survivorhood

TheParalegal

Innovating for the Future

Pee on the sticks

a real IVF story

Tricia Thirey

Choosing Joy in Every Moment

The End Time

Exalting the name of Jesus through Christian essays

Cramping my Style

A 20 something girl suffering Endometriosis, documenting the glamour of day to day life with an invisible illness...

The Paralegal Society™

a forum created to educate, motivate and inspire paralegals to engage in the pursuit of excellence for all paralegalkind.

Colouring In My Life

From diagnosis to acceptance, with Endometriosis in between

Jesus and Coffee

Faith, family, beauty...we’ve got it all going on here!

Coffee Made Better

Stopping bad coffee.

straightmissteps.wordpress.com/

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:6

InDevinsWords

Surviving with PCOS; my side of the story.

Waiting for the Bump

The Process of Starting a Family With the Help of Infertility

Rebecca’s World

Even miracles take a little time

cherrellemelton

Life as Mrs M 🌻💛

Ethical Grounds

The Unofficial Blog of Vermont's Bar Counsel

Journey of Restored Hope

Every person has a unique story to share and I would like to pass along my story in an effort to help others find hope in the darkest of places.

Tears in a Bottle

A safe haven for wounded hearts.

Insomnia Girl

and the Very Important Thoughts keeping her awake

Lallie Lee

Learning to Live Fearless

Boo Wholefoods

Eating the healthy way to keep endometriosis at bay.