Things I’ll Never Try Again: Juicing Detox

I’m not one to fall for fad diets. Usually these kinds of trends are so transparent in their gimmickry that I laugh in their very face and wonder how people can so easily be duped. Paleo? Atkins? Raw food only? It Works? The Hcg diet (for realz, it’s an actual thing)? Psssh….  Everyone knows that these passing diet crazes are little more than mega money makers conjured up by some faceless corporate giant in order to make heaps of cash from unsuspecting consumers. Not me, though: I am exempt from falling for such blatant sales pitches. Right?

Wrong.

Because then… sigh….. BECAUSE THEN… I went online the other week and stumbled across the subject of raw juicing. It seems that turning produce into juice will apparently detox the body, provide natural energy, boost weight loss, and, in general, turn followers into Super Woman (or man, if you please). The more I read on the topic, the more juicing seemed worthy of a shot. In my ongoing quest to naturally overcome my infertility and prime my body to accept conception, a juicing detox seemed the next logical step. I mean, who doesn’t need a detox every now and then, fertile or otherwise? I failed to see how juicing could NOT be good for you. Onto that bandwagon I jumped, full speed ahead.

I decided to start slow with a three-day juice cleanse, which consists of 5 juices per day + 1 meal of fruits and/or veggies; the only beverages allowed are water and caffeine-free tea. Then I’d work my way up to a three-week cleanse followed by a month long cleanse. The whole concept was totally up my alley: I’m already a vegetarian, I own a juicer, and summer produce is at its peak right now. Perfect! Why not concoct weird liquid produce beverages in my spare time?

So I went out and bought all this:

produce
Glug glug.. bet this is making you thirsty!

 

Then I dug this guy out from storage in the far recesses of my basement:

juicer
This actually is a pretty wicked $50 juicer for the money. Just sayin.

 

I cleared off my kitchen counters and went to town! I juiced yummy juices:

orange
Not just pretty… tasty too!

 

…and dead nasty juices:

green
Ever wanted to know what drinking a bell pepper tastes like? Try one of these and wonder no more!

I hope this doesn’t ruin the ending for you: As you can probably tell from this post’s title, my plan didn’t work out too well. It didn’t take me long to begin wondering how someone could stand drinking this crap for three whole days, let alone three weeks or an entire month. Cause, man, I was strait up starving while I “cleansed!” I mean, like, seriously famished! And when I’m hungry I get cranky angry. And  missing consecutive meals plus sudden caffeine withdrawal are surefire migraine triggers for me. Not a good combo.

By the end of the first day I was hungry, irritable, hard core migraining, and fatigued. All told, I juiced four of the five recommended drinks and made it through exactly one of the three cleanse days. I’m not proud of the fact that I—as usual—plowed enthusiastically into some niche health idea, only to fizzle out in the end and not follow through. Nor am I proud of the fact that I actually briefly bought into the idea that drinking liquefied produce would somehow “cleanse” or “detox” my body. I guess we all fall from grace sometimes.

Silver Lining: There actually are some legit delish juicing recipes out there (caveat: I don’t recommend juices containing raw onions or peppers. Some things should never be drank. *shudder*). Since there’s no practical way I could cook all the produce I’d purchased before it turned, I’ve instead been making lemonade out of lemons—so to speak—and have begun juicing one juice each day as a midmorning snack at work. But as far as subsisting on juices and vegetables? Not so much. Everything in moderation, my friends.

Next up in the series of personal health fails: That time I went gluten free.

 

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Author: Marixsa

Navigating the infertility waters and encouraging other mamas-in-waiting along the way.

9 thoughts on “Things I’ll Never Try Again: Juicing Detox”

  1. I can relate. Hubby & I tried juicing back in the day when we were TTC without medical assistance. It was tough! More for him than me it seemed. Anyways, we just do it here & there now for some nutrients. No more everyday stuff! Lol

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  2. I have done two juice cleanses, both three days. The first one went really well. Actually it was very surprising! About a year later I decided to do it again, and it did not go well at all! Actually on Day three I ended up not being able to drink anymore juice with out gagging it up, and just ate raw veggies. ITs amazing how different each experience was for me, but after the second time I do not see myself ever trying again! With that said I do like a juice during the day as a snack for some energy or boost. I think juicing is great for you but not necessarily something that your body should have exclusively for days

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  3. Yep, gotta a juicer collecting dust in a cabinet. I liked the juice and made the three days but cleanup was a pain and the price of produce and fruit really added up.

    I definitely feel you on getting a case of the hangries!

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  4. Hahaha! Well done for giving it a go and sharing the tale to help us all get a giggle. We also have a juicer and a Nutri Ninja and both get used frequently, but not every day. Actually the Ninja gets a lot more action so was probably the better purchase actually!

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  5. Hey – you had good intentions. And maybe use these as a snack item instead of a full blown meal-ish. I totally did adkins for about a year and did lose a whole bunch of weight, but then of course I started to fall for ice cream again and our love took off. Doesnt help that I have a demon thyroid and crappy hormonal side effects from PCOS. And of course I now have baby weight on top of it all, like a big round cherry on top!

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  6. haha, I don’t think I could get through the juicing challenge either! I have considered doing it sometimes as I’ve a friend who does a juicing weekend every so often and claims she has more energy after. It would only be possible if I were at home all weekend and not meeting friends as then I’d be too tempted by food and cakes!

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  7. I can relate. I’ve done several juice cleanses over the years. The only one that actually worked (and by worked, I didn’t want to chew off my wife’s arm) was one that was based on a menu from juice land here in Austin. What made it tolerable was a high fiber smoothie for lunch along with a high protein hemp milk for dinner. But seriously, I don’t see how anyone can lose weight without fiber and/or protein unless doing some serious meditation.

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