An Actual Cycle and Other Random Updates

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Errrm…. sorry for the crickets over here. Life has been crazy busy and I keep meaning to blog, but then I think my “updates” are kind of lame and non-updatey, so it never really happens.

Work/business has been crazy, plus we relocated our office to the ‘burbs, and I’m frantically working on creating our website, so—whew! Then, just when I planned to post an update, all the election insanity hijacked the blogosphere. I wanted to wait for that to calm down in my feed before posting. This is a (in)fertility blog and I intend to keep it that way, so have no fear of interposing political views here! There’s plenty of other places to get your politix fix. All I will say on the matter is that I continue to pray for the ever-widening gulf which is so bitterly dividing our great country to be repaired. *end of non-fertility talk*

In the meantime, I have been following everyone else’s blogs on my feed. Please know that I grieve with those of you who’ve recently experienced losses. I celebrate with those of you who’ve gotten your miracle babies or that long-awaited BFP. And I completely identify a million percent with those still of you (well, “us”) still stuck in the trenches. It’s a tough, tough place to live.

The most exciting thing fertility-wise that I have to report is that I finally—after 4 months—had/am having an honest-to-God regular cycle! Sounds like kind of ho-hum news, right? But so far 2016 is going down in history as The Year of Stupid Cycles. I’ve had three (possibly four) bona fide, full cycles complete with ovulation this year. Miscarriage #2 really threw my body for a loop. This was after it took so.many.years to even have regular cycles to begin with. So having my body back on track feels pretty fantastic.

As the holidays draw near, I’m feeling just a tad desperate to end this year on a high note (read: pregnant) and time is a-tickin’. AF is due next week, and I’m praying and doing all the right things. Yep, it’s all pineapple core and brazil nuts and 24/7 sock-wearing around Marixsa’s crib these days. Even though I’m more than five years into this thing and I should know better by now, here I am on cycle day 26 symptom-spotting and chock full of hope. Or maybe naiveté. Or insanity.

Oh yeah. And that whole surgery thing? I never did have my surgical consult back in October that I was so excited about, though not for lack of trying. See, this past year my long-buried anxiety disorder has made a full-out reappearance. This dramatically affects my ability to drive—even though I take medication—without having a panic attack. More on that another post. The solution was to take an Uber to my consult, but it didn’t quite work out. For no particular reason the day of my consult, traffic was backed up 20X more than usual. I spent an hour in the backseat of some Uber driver’s car in dismay staring at a sea of brake lights. In that time, we managed to go four whole miles. There was no way I was making it to the appointment on time. Unfortunately, that surgeon’s office is unrealistically far for me. I never rescheduled the appointment.

Never one to easily give in to defeat, I found a new surgeon! This new doctor is also an hour away, but in an area that is all back roads and near the town I grew up in. Okay: doable. Well, doable with an extra dose of anxiety meds. He uses the Da Vinci robotic method, which I’ve had in a prior surgery and am a fan of. My surgical consult is scheduled for December 9. Surgery #5 will hopefully be in the early part of 2017.

Finally, I am hosting Thanksgiving this year! I typically usually do host it, except for last year when I boycotted the holiday. Since then, it’s taken me a very long time to return to feeling like I want to do anything at all. Most of this past year I’ve been a complete homebody. Isolation and avoiding people were my specialties. Lately that cloud has been slowly lifting, and I am tentatively taking baby steps back into actual living. I have to admit, it’s nice to be back participating in my own life again, although I don’t feel like the same person anymore. In some ways, ongoing infertility and multiple miscarriages have changed and shaped me into a new person: a person who I’m slowly learning to live with. Thirteen family members, including the infamous Baby, will be descending upon my house in three days’ time. Living cautiously in case of pregnancy means I’ll be doing Thanksgiving sans wine, so, please, pray for me.

Peace.

 

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Author: Marixsa

Navigating the infertility waters and encouraging other mamas-in-waiting along the way.

15 thoughts on “An Actual Cycle and Other Random Updates”

  1. Continued prayers for you Marixsa! Exciting about our current cycle being a real one! I so hope that it has a fantastic ending!

    I totally hear you on the anxiety, I’ve had it so bad that it has left me unable to drive as well, so I really feel you there. But I am really glad that you have a new appointment!

    And Yay for hosting Thanksgiving! It is something I have always loved to do… but no one in DH’s family is willing to give it up ever. So I made a turkey and dinner yesterday for just the 2 of us… and now we have TONS of turkey left!

    I hope you enjoy your holiday!!!

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  2. Oh Marixsa! So, so happy to see u post! You are always on my mind. I am so happy to hear you had a regular cycle finally, what a victory to celebrate!

    Im also excited to hear you have a new consult coming up, the robotics seem so innovating to me and I pray you get the great results you deserve. Thanks to infertility and loss, my anxiety (even on meds) has been awful. I really feel for you. Going off the meds this pregnancy around 16 weeks was one of the hardest things for me. Keep pushing on as you are, u can do this.

    I really hope you enjoy Thanksgiving. Last year on Thanksgiving, I didnt want to be around anyone. Same with Christmas. We ended up being surrounded by friends and family and food and drinks. I remember looking at my hubby and saying I wonder what this year would bring (we just talked about this actually!) We even did a photoshoot over the break to honor our babies lost. I guess I am trying to tell you that I believe your miracle is just around the corner as ours was and to keep your lovely faith.

    P.S. The keepsake box is beautiful. Thank you so very much 💙

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  3. Hope you have a really nice Thanksgiving despite not drinking wine! Sorry about not being able to make it to your appointment at the doctor. I’m also having problems with having a doctor that’s really awkward to get to! Hope you will be able to end the year on a high note. x

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