My initial reaction when reading that Kate Middleton is pregnant yet again? Jealousy. Not a pretty thing to admit… but let’s be real. After all, she’s managed to have/is having three babies in the span I’ve been trying for just one. It’s like a special little punch every 1.5 years or so when she has another baby/pregnancy and the media ogles over every.single.detail, ad nauseum.
This world is an unfair place. The sun shines and the rain falls on us all: the fertile and the infertile, the royal and the average, the easy pregnancies and the ones borne of needles and clinics and dwindling embryo counts.
Once I got that ugly part of my humanity out of the way, I began thinking how being pregnant can be hard. I found myself even feeling sorry for Kate! Now I don’t follow celebrity news, but I don’t live completely under a rock either: I know that she’s suffered with extra crazy bad morning sickness during her pregnancies. And I’m sympathetic. Remembering back to my own short-lived pregnancies and how physically ill I felt, I can’t imagine enduring that feeling on a larger scale for a much longer duration. It can’t be fun, no matter how easily conception happened.
I’ve also read some very unkind comments on here from my fellow IF community about royal pregnancy #3. I completely get the sting, because I felt it too: it’s like a regular painful pregnancy announcement, except on crack. But it makes me sad to read such harsh posts from others who’ve walked the hard roads of IF treatment and difficult pregnancies themselves.
I totally agree that it’s “unfair” how she gets yet another one. Life is unfair, God certainly promises us that. It’s full of ugliness, full of perplexity, full of opportunities to be resentful. So to extend congratulations to someone for her “easy” pregnancy—royal or otherwise—seems like the right way for those of us suffering with infertility to push back just a little. To resolve kindness in place of inequity, even when it stings.
This isn’t some misplaced chastisement for the real pain that this overblown pregnancy announcement can have on us. All I know is that, since all this infertility business started in my own life, I’ve handled waaaaay more than my fair share of pregnancy announcments badly: I’ve been jealous, envious, angry, bitter, and probably some other unlikeable adjectives. But looking back, I can see that secretly harboring those reactions and feelings got me nowhere. In fact, carrying such negative weights actually made the fight harder than it already was (well, is).
Six years into this thing and I don’t want to live that way anymore. That choice is mine: it’s one of the few choices I get to make when it comes to babies and pregnancies and how I’m going to walk out this sojourn.