The Final Holdout


I’ve given up a lot in my efforts to have a baby. Foods like alcohol, sugar, and dairy (really, dairy is cruel anyway so that wasn’t much of a thang) have long gone by the wayside.  I’ve spent a small fortune replacing everything plastic in my kitchen and every personal care product I own for their healthier counterparts.   I’ve thrown away perfectly shower curtains and cleaning products. You name it, I’ve either done it or bid it adieu.

But there’s one final holdout, the thing I love so dearly and view as my sole remaining source of joy, the last reminder of my “before TTC” life that I can still enjoy: coffee.

Does it matter to my fertility that I’d finally switched to organic coffee this year (coffee apparently is laden with pesticides; research is so annoyingly eye-opening)?  Does it matter to my fertility that, even after going organic, I went a step further and began buying organic, Swiss-water-processed decaf?  That I mix the two so my coffee only has half the caffeine as regular coffee?  Alas, it seems not—nary the faintest of BFPs have appeared.

So here and now I’m making a pledge. And I’m posting it so it emboldens me to actually stick to it, which is the real challenge.  If the TWW in which I’m currently in the throes ends in bloody defeat, then I will go caffeine-free.

That’s right: If there’s a CD1 in the coming weeks (though I earnestly pray there won’t be), then I will eschew my cherished java.  The goal is to get through an entire cycle without it.  What happens after that cycle remains to be seen.  One day at a time and all.

I mean, it’s not like I’m absolutely downing pots of the stuff daily. I have 2 or 3 daily half-caffs, which translates to 1 to 1.5 cups of regular coffee, or about 300 milligrams of caffeine. Too much?

The consensus on caffeine/coffee and fertility is muddy. Some studies say that moderate caffeine reduces fertility, others claim it makes no difference. Even other studies say that any caffeine is harmful to fertility. Who to believe?

I get that this post might sound trite.  I mean, it’s just a beverage, right?  Is it really worthy of a blog post?  Perhaps I wasn’t clear: I really LOVE my coffee!  If I could pen my feelings to coffee, It’d go something like this:

Coffee, my beloved friend.  We’ve done so much together you and I, experienced the ups and downs of life side-by-side.  You’ve given me gumption on many a tough morning, helped me stay awake to study before grueling exams, been the medium over which many a good conversation was had.  Through it all, you’ve been there.

I love coffee to the point where I cannot imagine a day without it, let alone an entire cycle.

But what if it’s been the culprit all along?  Like, forget the medical side of infertility. What if caffeine has been preventing our BFP?  What if something so seemingly easily preventable was keeping my body from conceiving?  What if the answer was there in front of me all along?

Update to follow.


Author: Marixsa

Resolving infertility as childless-not-by-choice and encouraging fellow endo warriors along the way.

6 thoughts on “The Final Holdout”

  1. Well done. It just bloody sucks that we have to even think about/do all these things that no one normally would even consider! All for a maybe it might help but who blimen knows… I even went to decaf tea. 😂 (not a coffee drinker!) but you are willing to do anything to stop the “I wonder if I’d only stopped/tried…” it’s exhausting huh…ugh I’m not looking forward to this all again 🙄 I so hope it makes the difference for you! Good luck


  2. The sacrifices made are just unreal. After a few years I just couldn’t do it anymore. I put chai coconut milk lattes back in my diet and it didn’t seem to hurt. But the second guessing can be rough. Good luck!


  3. Good luck!! You’ve really gone above and beyond and that’s really admirable. I hope giving up caffeine is easier than it sounds. And thanks for the heads up that coffee is laden with pesticides. I’ll have to change N’s brand as well.


  4. Wow! I have given up caffeine before after transfer, but never completely. Hats off to you my friend. We give up so much don’t we. I know it will all be worth it, but sometimes it is overwhelming xx


  5. I remember a friend of mine sent me an article which linked caffeine to infertility so I reluctantly gave it up since it was something I hadn’t tried. After awhile I didn’t miss it though I remember being irritable for a few days initially! Everyone is so different, caffeine might be the issue for one person but not for someone else. It’s a good idea to try giving it up for a month if you haven’t tried that yet though. Good luck, hopefully you won’t have bad withdrawal symptoms and the decaf will eventually do the trick!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.