It feels like just yesterday I was posting about my two-year blogversary on WordPress. I blinked and another year has passed! Last year when I lamented about two years of infertility blogging, I really expected things to be different for me within a year. My fertility status, unfortunately, remains unchanged.
What’s more, is that many bloggers who underwent successful IVFs around the same time as my two IVFs (September 2015 and April 2016) are now busy working on their second babies. And I’m over here just… here. Stiiiiiiiiiiiiill trying for my first. I feel pretty left in the dust, like that kid who keeps getting held back a grade in school, over and over again, and ends up graduating when he’s like 22. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others; I’m on my own very unique timeline.
I’ve started every single new cycle since last year full of optimism. I do it all perfectly, to the ‘T’—all the right supplements, timing sex just right, paying close attention to my ovulation. Then around cycle day 20ish, I begin deflating: the bleeding starts up; my ovary pain kicks into high gear; my temperature won’t reach optimum heights. My faith quickly slinks into a downward spiral, and I scratch off yet another month. I don’t understand why my time hasn’t come yet, and I have to restrain my impatience. Another full year of infertility wasn’t in my plans.
Despite all of the above, there have been many, many blessings in my life since my two-year blogoversary post; I can’t lose sight of the rays of sunshine amidst these clouds. Besides, no matter how much it hurts (and it totally does freaking hurt, every day), life is so much more than whether I have a child. So much more… So I’m believing for a cheerier post for my four-year blogoversary, Lord willing. A lot can happen in a year.