Last week I visited a new gyno. She was, no exaggeration, probably the twentieth OB/GYN I’ve tried out in the past 22 years. She was absolutely lovely and I think I may have finally found a good doctor for my care! I left her office breathing a massive sigh of relief that maybe—just maybe—my search is finally over.
I have always had a realllllly hard time connecting with a gyno who I’ve felt was right for me. Sometimes I’ve wondered if the problem is me, and not that most gynos are inept at actually helping to FIX my lady-parts problems. But after having connecting with fellow Endo Warriors online over the years, I’ve learned that—amid the rare exception—most gynos really are just.that.bad when it comes to women with endo + infertility + unexplained pain. Most of them don’t want to investigate finding the answers: they usually recommend hysterectomy or that I see yet another RE, then instruct me to return in a year for my annual exam. Can anyone else relate to this?
There was that one time, nearly a decade ago, when I finally found The One of all gynos thus-far. But then I moved a thousand miles away from him, and had to restart the uphill process of finding a new match. In the seven years since moving away from The One, I’ve left every new-gyno appointment feeling unheard, feeling unhelped, and feeling defeated. Oh yeah: and usually in tears.
Such was the case last summer after leaving gyno # 19’s office. Upon a friend’s advice, I had visited this particular gyno and had my annual exam. As I exited his office—holding back tears of frustration and feeling totally defeated—I passed by a sign for the office of a female gyno practitioner named Dr. Ruby* who specializes in “natural women’s care.” I’d never heard of her before.
Intrigued, I researched Dr. Ruby and, to my delighted surprise, liked what I saw. It took me months to make an appointment with her though: visiting a new gyno is fun like walking on hot coals is fun, amiright? Finally, following my newest (and ongoing…) bout of mystery pelvic pain in mid-January, Jake prompted me to make an appointment with Dr. Ruby.
Dr. Ruby is different from any gyno I’ve ever treated with. She unashamedly incorporates her Christian faith into her practice of medicine, and, since she runs her own practice, no one can tell her not to. Never before has a doctor—especially a gyno—told me emphatically that my miscarried babies and failed-to-survive embryos were souls created in the image of God, not just blobs of cells. Never before has a doctor suggested I honor the anniversaries of their passings, and to always answer that I am a mama when someone asks me The Question (though I’m still kind of uncomfortable doing that TBH). It was refreshing, and I just may have cried a
little lot when she said those things to me.
Dr. Ruby was compassionate, listened to my issues, and took time to get to know me as a person before seeing me as merely another patient in her busy day. Basically, I felt heard. Humanized. Not hopeless, but encouraged.
I’m currently working with Dr. Ruby to figure out the source of my new mystery pains. She suspects I had a cyst (or cysts, plural) burst, and that the fluid/blood from it/them is pooling in my lower pelvic area, causing me this new pain. I should know more answers next week after ultrasound. She didn’t push me toward hysterectomy, which is a first for me when visiting the gyno. She also encouraged me to keep TTC. I didn’t discuss with her that I’m letting that part of my life go, because that’s just way too complicated to explain…
Here’s to hoping Dr. Ruby is The One!