Somehow—in a blur of time and events and dates—another year is quickly drawing to an end. I’m kind of stunned to find myself writing about 2017 ending, and so soon it seems! And I’m kind of [read: very] disappointed to find myself still blogging about fertility stuff as we move into another year. Even so, I’m immensely grateful for God’s goodness and protection during this year. Fertility issues are just one part of the whole of my life.
So for those and myriad other reasons I can’t write here, I’m okay and moving still toward a deeper peace. I continue to have moments of anger, frustration, and sadness about our inability to conceive. Some days I can’t sense the light; I can’t see how this infertility will ever resolve; I feel my faith weaken. But, overall, I am sustained by God’s peace and a strong sense to continue to wait patiently… although I’m notoriously impatient. Character is being built here. The process is uncomfortable.
As I look back over the year, here are the highlights of 2017 when it comes to our TTC sojourn, good and bad:
- SUCCESS: A successful laparoscopy in March that opened my Fallopian tube and cleared away lots of adhesions.
- SUCCESS: Ovulated 12/12 month this year.
- SUCCESS: Normal cycle lengths 12/12 months this year, ranging from 24 to 31 days long.
- SUCCESS: 11/12 luteal phases that were 14+ days. Goodbye, luteal phase defect of 2016!
- FAIL: My average 2017 ovulation cycle day was CD12, usually falling on CD 9 or CD10. Hello, too-short follicular phases.
- SUCCESS: Diagnosis of mystery bleeding. Finally!
- FAIL: Diagnosis, but no cure for mystery bleeding. Intermenstrual bleeding continues.
- FAIL: Why, in my mid-30s, do I still have monstrously painful periods? I thought that period pain decreased with age? (Actually, when I think back to my teen years and early 20s, my current period pain looks like a walk in the park.) I still have to take prescription painkillers and spend a day or two in bed each month. So, this mini-rant counts as a fail.
- FAIL: Perhaps the biggest fail of them all: still not pregnant. Yeah…
Our 2018 fertility plans remain open-ended. Jake and I are in preliminary talks about going another round with IVF. I’m quasi open to it; he’s much more cautious. We totally cannot afford IVF and if we do decide to do it, I’ve no idea where the funds will come from. Like I said, it’s preliminary.
I’m in the process of changing my health insurance over to Jake’s plan. I found a clinic that—believe this?—SPECIALIZES IN ENDOMETRIOSIS (huzzah!). And when I say specializes in, I mean that endometriosis is ALL THEY DO, all day. The entire office is dedicated to patients suffering from endo. Once my insurance has been squared away, I plan to make an appointment. I so need a doctor who will actually help me, and I’m hopeful that this place will be the answer. It’s an hour away and 90% of the drive involves major congested roads but I don’t even [mostly] care.
Even though it’s two-odd weeks til the new year, I’m pleased to see 2017 on its way out. Never liked the odd numbered years as much for some reason. I’m ever hopeful that 2018 will usher in new beginnings in our fertility sojourn.