Beta Day

2poshptdigThe results are in! Beta #1 was this morning—BFP! Booya! My hcg level was 58.4. Currently I’m 9dp5dt (or, on a natural cycle, 14dpo). I return to the clinic on 13dp5dt for my second beta. Various online forums assure me that the results of a second beta are even more important than the first beta.

Confession time: I already knew.

Yeah, yeah, I know I said before that I wouldn’t test early or symptom count. And honestly, I did NOT symptom count. But therein lies the problem: I had no symptoms (thank you, Crinone). With no symptoms to obsess over, well, life became boring and the wait seemed so eternal, and well….

I caved.

On 5dp5dt, I tested: BFN. On 6dp5dt, I tested again: another BFN. Seeing those single lines were a bummer, but I knew it was still very early. At best, it proved no false positives from a leftover trigger shot hcg.

All this changed on the morning of 7dp5dt though. Because that test? It had a faint line! So, since I clearly had nothing better to do with my time, I dutifully drove like a wildwoman to Walmart and bought four more brands of tests just to be sure, and saw even more faint lines the same morning.  (*Incidental side note: The chick at the register who rang up my multiple boxes of HPTs was very visibly pregnant herself. I didn’t realize this when I initially got in her line. She finished ringing me up and, as I was leaving, smiled and said, “Good luck! I wish you lots of baby dust.” Ahh, a fellow TTC-er! Because, seriously, who in real life uses the term “baby dust” like it’s a totally normal thing to say? She completely made my day.*)   In the p.m. I got a stronger line on the FRER and a “positive” on the Clearblue. Rinse and repeat, you get the idea…. I’ve taken no less than twelve HPTs in the last 48 hours and every single one of them has been a BFP.

When my nurse asked me at this morning’s beta whether I had tested at home, I casually replied, “Nope. I held out.”

I’m not sure why I lied. Maybe I was expecting a lecture. Maybe I still wanted to keep this thrilling secret something that was all mine. Maybe I wanted her to feel like she would be giving me genuinely unexpected good news when she called me with the results. Who knows.

Happy news. Terrifying news. In 4 years of TTC and 12 years of marriage and 33 years of life I have never seen before seen two lines. Ever. Not even on my m/c because I didn’t even know when it happened that I was preggers. There’s a small army of used HPTs under our bathroom cabinet that I can’t bear to throw away.

As my new Walmart friend says, “Baby dust to you all.”